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Mr.Smith's Cabinet of CuriositiesInfinitus est numerus stultorum
Bill Gates = Culture DeathAAAARGH
AAAARGH!
Mr. William Gates & Son has just requested that I remove ‘images of nudity’ from my blog. As the only images were in my artwork, I must assume that the artistic depiction of the human body is obscene. So, fuck those old masters – bunch of fucking perverts that they were, and breathe the deep, pure & clean air of life according to Microsoft.
sigh
The Franz Kafka Big BandThe FRANZ KAFKA BIG BAND aired at last
The FRANZ KAFKA BIG BAND aired at last!
For those of you interested: the controversial radio sketch show ‘The Franz Kafka Big Band’ aired last week on BBC Radio Scotland to – zero hysteria.
The Scotsman faithfully published an article, but no-one followed their lead. We did however, get a nice preview from The List (Glasgow & Edinburgh’s equivalent to London & New York’s ‘Time Out’) which stated that Scotland’s radio comedy was in ‘rude health’. The most curious comment came from The Sunday Herald who featured us as a forthcoming highlight with the lone description of “hi-tech”. Hi-tech? IS that it?
It is not looking likely that the show will be given a 3rd series on Radio Scotland – but you never know: The boss Jeff Zycinski is benevolent and wise.
The Atrocity MachineLadies and Gentlemen,
Channel Four has been in the news recently for it's alleged poor taste and bad judgement - the accusation being that the broadcaster will do anything to garner publicity. Some might think it reckless to start promoting the most offensive radio programme on Earth at this precise time. But that's exactly what they're doing.
The Atrocity Machine is available to download from the Channel 4 Radio Website: register, log in, then download.
You'll either love it or you'll hate it.
regards,
Innes CYBER SABBATHAND ON THE EIGHTH DAY
I can well imagine that the social engineers* who ponderously plotted mankind's development from fur-wearing log-jockeys to cloth sporting wheel-lickers had a right good think about the real reasons for religious ritual. For example: circumcision. I mean c'mon. God's spontaneous spur-of-the-moment decision? "Oh Lord! How shall we set ourselves apart? Maybe a nice badge, or a hat?"
And God said, " emm, gimme your foreskins!"
And verily the Israelites said, 'Oh fuck off. You're pulling our leg!'
And the Lord said, No, it's not your leg I'm pulling, it's your cocks. I want em..I've always fancied having them back, and well, right now seems as good a time as any. Hand em over. And so it goes on. No, of course the real reason was desert penis hygiene.
Circumcision was a drastic but effective solution for those suffering from nob cheese**. For those wanting the proper scientific medical terminology: that's cock custard. But you get the idea: a social necessity was given a religious meaning ~ and therefore compliance was likelier. For those choosing to ignore such dictats, one did not just risk one's body, but one's soul.
I would argue that the Sabbath is a good idea. Stripped of it's religious context it still has great purpose: one day in seven in which to do little (if anything) and to meditate on something bigger than yourself. It is not hard to sell this idea to the current generation of self-actualising, self-realising pop-spiritualists; a day to be yourself. Unfortunately, this would also include a trip down to the Yoga Mat Store, or the Wholefood Creche ~ and any sense of collective neo-Sabbath would be lost.
Besides, I'm sure I'd be the first to complain if I ran out of tiolet roll and had the shits on the Isle of Harris on a Sunday. I'd be wiping my arse on a sheep and weeping into my empty whisky bottle. So, how realistic is any 'Pro-Sabbath' campaign?
I have a suggestion: an internet Sabbath. In which the internet fucks off for one whole day and we are all forced to actually do something creative in the real world instead of pouting into digital cameras for the sake of meaningless praise from strangers, or watching endless title sequences from 70's TV programmes on youtube, or even being lost in Google Earth instead of the real thing!
Admittedly I'm rarely here - but the point still stands - we all spend too much time on computers. They have a nasty habit of eating up your day..and what do you have to show for it?
So, c'mon chums: fuck off and do something else!
Flagellant Anonymous
For those interested, here is my news (March 2007):
Tauchsieder is almost in the shops! The album Louder has gathered some very good previews. We have agreed to do at least one gig: rock 'n' roll! Talking with the Godfather of Tauchsieder, Stuart aka Frenchbloke; there is an open invitation for us to play at MacSorley's, Glasgow. So, stay tuned, we may be playing soon!
The comedy sketch show for Channel 4 radio, The Atrocity Machine is almost one quarter into its commission. We have almost finished 3 shows, with another 9 to go. The first show will be available to download from 4radio's website probably by the end of this month. There is much hard work to be done, and like any machine - especially an atrocious one - we really need to get greased up and build up a steam. So, it's nose to the arse-cleft of comedy for the next 5 months!
The banned second series of The Franz Kafka Big Band will probably air in April sometime. Better late than never....
I am now Head of Investigations for the Scottish Society for Psychical Research. I have much to do, and wonder if I have bitten off more than I can chew? However, the research part of the job is fascinating and I will get a chance to take a more active role in shaping our research methodology for the near furture.
I really must start painting. I've been putting it off for months. But like a boil that's ripe to pop, I gotta squeeze my paint out onto my many despondant blank canvases that lie scattered across the kitchen...
Which brings me back to my original premise: spending less time on the fucking internet and actually being creative in the real fucking world.
Cheerio Cyber chums.
Regards,
Mr I Smith
*Social Engineers? No, I don't really believe that any one person, or even a group, calculated what was needed and then cynically couched it in acceptable terms. I think intelligence, certainly on a societal level emerges. Indeed the theory of emergence is one worth looking into. The notion that intelligence rises from the bottom, and is not a top down process.
** Nob Cheese. For those believing in the literal truth of the bible, NOB CHEESE is surely a source of theological discomfort. Did God really create NOB CHEESE simply so he could irritate the glans of the gentile, whilst enjoying the wincing groans of the new convert as he clutched his cock and cried, "thanks Lord! Now that I've cut off that bit of skin I'm less likely to get that nasty shit on my winky which in your divine wisdom so wisely put on earth to make my piss hurt like shit." ? Hmm?
Well, it's been a while. Apologies for being away so long. And I can't promise that this brief notice represents a committment to keeping my blog up to date, and return your kind interest.
NEWS
You may also notice that one of the Galleries has been deleted: Eros & Thanatos. Self censorship: yes, sadly. Those wanting a fuller explanation can ask through other channels. And has everyone gone to myspace? Shame really. I can't speak though...I'm rarely here. Salut! And sincere best wishes to all my friends on spaces.live Regards, Innes Smith The Franz Kafka Big BanTHE FRANZ KAFKA BIG BAN
A DAY BY DAY ACCOUNT OF THE MEDIA COVERAGE
AND THE FACTS BEHIND THE STORY.
Wednesday the 23rd of August The Scotsman printed an article with the headline: BBC pulls plug on Radio Show over 'Rolf Harris cartoons' of Prophet. Then the Scottish Press Association released an article which was faxed off to every news outlet in the land. This was swiftly followed up by coverage in three websites; The Guardian Media, The Daily Mail & Chortle.com.
Thursday the 24thThe Times, The Daily Star, The Sun, The Metro & The Sydney Morning Herald covered the story. Canadian TV were interested in the story and Eddie Mair from BBC Radio 4's PM programme contacted the office, asking for an interview. The Controller of Radio Scotland covered the story in his blog (which you can find on the BBC Radio Scotland Website).
Friday the 25th Several more online news gatherers cover the story; notably The Writers' Guild and Mediawatch providing some commentary. Australian Websites pick up on the "Rolf's Blasphemous Cartoon Time" Sketch and one website confuses Armando Iannucci's "Time Trumpet" with The Franz Kafka Big Band. Saturday the 26th Somehow, an mp3 of The Taliban Song gets distributed across the internet. Websites in Thailand, Finland & Turkey cover the story. The story also starts to feature in a few unsavoury websites; websites with a particular paranoid perspective on the world. Perhaps it is not surprising that this kind of story unwittingly becomes a rallying cry to those of 'extreme' views. Unfortunately, any subtlety or context is lost amongst such feverish polemic. Sunday the 27th It came to my attention that Australian & Chicago TV News have covered the story. Websites in The Netherlands,The Czech Republic & Romania pick up the story. Many blogsites pick up on the story with a 'freedom of speech' slant. Many Blogsites in Australia erroneously believe that Rolf Harris himself was in the sketch. And predictably Islamic websites begin to pick up on the story, notably ramadhanfoundation.com. They too erroneously believe that The Prophet Mohammed was insulted, whereas, no names of religious founders were mentioned in the sketch, and no insults were made. Monday the 28th The Guardian Media section carries a flattering cartoon of The Franz Kafka Big Band on page 4. Websites, and blogsites all across the world cover the story, with their own particular axe to grind: either from an Islamic perspective, or a Freedom of Speech perspective. Frequently correspondents get facts wrong: few people check their sources. Mp3 files of the banned shows alarmingly pop up on the internet. We gave out many promo & review copies of the shows on CD to either contributors to the show, or journalists. I don't think the BBC will take kindly to this unauthorised file-sharing on the internet. Despite all the shenanigans, The Franz Kafka Big Band's First Series goes on air at 10.00 pm. We are introduced as the 'bad boys of Scottish comedy' : quelle surprise ! I would urge any journalist following links and wanting to know more about this story to read the following Here's my personal take on the events so far:
1. The only two journalists to actually speak to any members of the Big Band, or Demus Productions, or approach the BBC were The Scotsman chap, and the Scottish Press Assoc. lady. Every other news outlet has rehashed these two articles and done no research. Amusingly The Times article was written by two journalists: what does this mean? One of them cuts while the other one pastes?
2. The Scotsman article, while balanced and fair decided on its own angle on the story. It was The Scotsman that decided the series was pulled due to concerns over the aforementioned sketches (Rolf's Blasphemous Cartoon Time, The Taleban Can Song, etc..), because the BBC has made no comment regarding their reasons for pulling the show. They've told us that in its current form the second series needs to be re-edited, but we've not met up with them yet to discuss what they want to be cut out!
It could be because of our political, religious or satirical sketches, but it could equally be because of our ...filthier, ruder and more juvenile material. We just don't know. Certainly last time, when submitting our first series, we did get sketches cut out that were political (or religious) in nature - sketches about Israeli Tanks, Guantanamo Bay, etc... But equally, we got stuff cut out that was smutty. So...who knows ?
3. It's not lost on me that the (majority of the) journalists are all writing about sketches that they haven't heard. It's amazing how ignorance of a subject doesn't disqualify people from expressing an opinion. The Journalist is the man in a pub, except he's got a laptop next to his salt & vinegar crisps and his pint of gin - and a deadline. Hearsay, chit chat, wot that other guy said all become 'news'.
4. The articles talk about certain sketches: allow me to illuminate ...
i) Rolf's Blasphemous Cartoon Time features no blasphemy. No religious figures are named, and nothing blashemous is said. What could be blasphemous is bleeped out. But I stress could be. For the purpose of making the joke, we implied blasphemy but were very careful not to be blasphemous. The purpose of the joke is saying that we can't make a joke about certain religious faiths for fear of violent reprisals. And our poor comedy Rolf ends up drawing a cartoon of himself, hunched over the drawing board and shitting himself with fear. Does the sketch make a political point about freedom of speech? Yes, I think so. I'm not anxious about offending religious belief because nowhere in the sketch are we blasphemous. But ~ I would be upset if Rolf Harris was upset. And may I make it absolutely clear, that Rolf Harris himself did not appear in the sketch. It was me, doing a decidely dubious impersonation of Rolf. I would hate to think that the great man could get dragged into this debate, when he had nothing to do with it. So: to make it absolutely clear ~ NO NAMES, NO BLASPHEMY, NO (ACTUAL) ROLF. You may now cease to be outraged.
ii) The Cow crashing into The Twin Towers ? Well, nowhere do we mention the Twin Towers. Yes, a cow has crashed into a tower and another cow flies across the sky...so, parallels are obvious, despite the deliberate absurdity. And that's the point - the absurdity of the violence. The very brief audio scribble is followed by other sketches about drive-by restaurants where customers are shot whilst being showered in onion rings. The whole segment is about violence in our world and how it's presented to us, by governments, the media & the military. Violence is so often portrayed in the media as good (when we do it to others) or bad (when they do it us), but how often is it seen as wrong? Out of place? Absurd? I suppose that's the point of the sketch: warping reality to help us focus in on violence in a different way.
We certainly do not intend to make light of the mass murder that took place in The United States of America on that shocking day. There is nothing funny about mass murder. But terror ? Can humour be used to combat terror, to examine our fears and anxieties ? I think the current fears about terrorism in our society deserve to be explored, in art, film, and yes - comedy. If comedy has nothing to say about the world we live in now, then comedy is dead.
iii) The Last Supper Sketch ? Every Christian that has heard this sketch loves it. And we do play Jesus as the straight man, surrounded by frustratingly modern disciples. And that's the gag - taking a situation that (allegedly) happened 2000 years ago and replaying it as if it was set in the modern day.
5. Do the BBC love us or hate us ? What do we think of the BBC ? Well, I'm happy to report that despite being upset that our second series won't be broadcast next week (and we'll have to chop bits out of it before it airs at a later date), we still love the BBC. The Controller of Radio Scotland Jeff Zycinski has given us a home on the airwaves and we are indebted to him. Of course, it would have been nice to have 'gotten away with it' - but Jeff has to protect all those genteel highland Grannies! We can't have them choking on their shortbread, can we ? So, lazy hacks - you can quote me on this, "The Franz Kafka Big Band LOVE Jeff Zycinski - 4 EVR".
6. An unexpected philosophical gem of a debate surfaces. Whether anybody out there that cares about blasphemy cares about debate, is another matter. But the debate is as follows: consider the "Rolf's Blasphemous Cartoon Time " sketch. Nowhere do we mention a name, or say anything insulting. No blasphemy takes place. But, we do introduce the sketch as Rolf's Blasphemous Cartoon Time ! This leaves us in a weird situation not dissimilar to the old (and tired) philosophical teaser:
"If a no-one hears a tree fall in the wood, does it make a sound?" Of course, our situation is the inverse: "If no tree falls in the wood, but you're told the woods were rather noisy that day - do you believe a tree has fallen ?"- I wonder if religious scholars are debating the point now ? "If someone is being 'blasphemous' in the next room - we do not hear it, or see it, but we believe they are being blasphemous, are they committing blasphemy?"
Is the accusation of blasphemy an indefensible charge?
That merely, hinting, suggesting or simulating blasphemy is the same as committing blasphemy?
All people have to do is believe you are being blasphemous and you are being blasphemous?
Considering that we are dealing with beliefs which cannot be proved anyway, it is an absurd situation to find yourself in!
7. On the subject of free speech and religion (and I stress this is my personal opinion, not the corporate view of The Franz Kafka Big Band):
on the Ramadhan Foundation Website the following statement is made ~ "We support and defend the right of freedom of speech but this right ends when other human beings are offended and hurt." I disagree with that statement for the following reasons ~
i) Human expression is limited by a subjective and arbitrary scale of grievance. What one person finds offensive, another finds acceptible. A useful metaphor would be a speed limit of 'not too fast'. How useful would that speed limit be ?
ii) Presumably speech is not the only form of expression that we are talking about here. The written word ? Art ? I find many things in religious texts offensive and hurtful - by the logic of the Ramadhan Foundation, should these be banned too ?
iii) Religious belief should be open to debate. Beliefs should be challenged. Presumably The Prophet Muhammed thought he was perfectly entitled to challenge the old religions of Arabia and found his new religion ? Muslims should not deny others the right to challenge beliefs; a right that established their own faith.
iv) I agree that in a civilised society one should not deliberately provoke other people. I would not have any sympathy with anyone that deliberately opened a bacon-shop outside a Mosque, or conducted Satanic Rituals outside St.Paul's Cathedral, or indeed, marched an Orange Walk through a Catholic neighbourhood (which still shamefully happens in my part of the world). Such people should realise that they cannot be constructively making any valid point about anything when aggressively rubbing other peoples' noses in it ! [There are, of course exceptions - I expect no-one would suggest Rosa Parks should have behaved herself on the bus - as to not offend those white folks!] However, we in Western Civilisation have long had the tradition of time & place. What might be downright rude and possibly illegal in one place, is perfectly acceptible in another. What might be gruesome and tasteless at one time, can be found amusing and educational at another. What might warrant attention from the police or medical profession if done in public, is the norm on stage..
For thousands of years our culture has found it really useful to find a time & a place to voice all those difficult concerns, say all those unsayable things, and explore all those unpleasant thoughts that we daren't utter normally.
Theatres have their roots in religious rites; rites sacred to Dionysus, to explore those moments of tragedy and comedy in a safe environment so that we may appreciate order all the more. Artistic expression takes place in an allocated time, and an allocated place - it is (usually) optional. You can always choose not to enter a building, or switch off a television or a radio.
Having a time & a place to be offensive is a tradition in Western Civilisation that goes back thousands of years. I would ask people to respect that. For much more on the subject of Freedom to Offend see below.
I would welcome debate or queries on any of the above. Please feel free to respond in any manner you see fit, except physical violence or threats of violence.
Regards to all,
Innes
P.S - If Eddie Mair is reading this - I WANNA LICK YOUR FACE P.P.S - If Rupert Murdoch is reading this - our shows feature quite a lot of sketches about charming and outspoken Australians - like yourself. It's just a terrible shame you won't be able to hear it.
P.P.P.S - If Osama Bin Laden is reading this - You can't spend all of your time waiting to get shot in the head by the SAS in the Afghanistan Mountains. Why not embarrass the Satanic West by giving yourself up to the International Court and going to trial ? You'd be able to explain to the Western Media what a bunch of hypocritical cunts we are, wave affectionally at all your pals in the American Administration (cooee! Donald! Remember me?) AND if your defence lawyer is Tommy Sheridan ? You would be walking free nae bother ! Article in The ScotsmanBBC pulls plug on radio show
over 'Rolf Harris cartoons' of Prophet
by Jason Cumming
A COMEDY radio series that portrays Rolf Harris supposedly drawing cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad has been shelved by the BBC.
Executives pulled the prime-time series only a week before it was due to air amid "anxieties over taste and decency".
The Franz Kafka Big Band was billed as "sure to surprise even the most unshockable" by BBC Radio Scotland when the Glasgow-based troupe's second series was commissioned.
But a segment called Rolf's Blasphemous Cartoon Time, in which the television favourite is portrayed as drawing images of deities such as the Prophet Muhammad and Buddha, worried BBC officials.
The decision to pull the series comes in the wake of controversy over cartoons of Muhammad being published in a Danish newspaper which sparked riots and protests around the world earlier this year.
However, it is understood members of the Franz Kafka Big Band were earlier warned by the BBC that jokes about Israel's foreign policy were also off-limits.
The corporation's executives were accused of "losing their nerve" yesterday. The performer and writer Craig Stobo, 36, admitted the troupe's five members were stunned by the news.
"We've been given a lot of freedom to do what we wanted and we thought with it going out at 10pm we had a little bit of leeway," he said.
"The BBC wanted us to be the 'bad boys'. Our mission statement is 'no sacred cows', so they knew what they were going to get. It's a case of be careful what you wish for.
"The word came back that they were very happy with what we have done but said there's no way it can be broadcast in its current form. We don't know quite what's going to happen, but we're gutted."
The five-part series has been eight months in the making. One segment features a cow flying into New York's Twin Towers, and there is a musical number to the tune of Sammy Davis jnr's The Candy Man, in which the group sing: "Who can start a jihad? The Taleban can".
Another controversial sketch about the Bible's Last Supper imagines a discussion between Jesus and Peter in which the latter admits he is allergic to fish.
With the second series now on ice, the troupe's first series will instead be broadcast nightly at 10pm from next Monday on BBC Radio Scotland.
Nick Low, the executive producer of the new programmes, said meetings between the troupe and BBC were due to be held to "thrash out" a way forward.
He said: "They're definitely pushing the boundaries of comedy. Their idea of taste, decency and what's funny isn't the same as the people at the BBC, so we need to wait to see if this second series will ever see the light of day. It's all to do with whether there can be a compromise."
Innes Smith, 35, a band member, said: "They did ask for something edgy and uncompromising and they're now regretting it.
We spent a lot of time and effort on this and it's a pity that the public won't be able to hear these shows in the manner they were intended."
Osama Saeed, of the Muslim Council of Britain, said: "It sounds like they're making fun of the situation and possibly Rolf Harris here. The issue with the cartoons was linking the prophet to terrorism - that is what people objected to."
A BBC spokesman said: "Their new work is bold and it requires some fine-tuning."
The Franz Kafka Big Band made their Radio Scotland debut in 2002. Their first series was aired last autumn - with an "uncut" version broadcast in a night-time slot. They have also signed a television development deal with BBC Scotland.
This article: http://news.scotsman.com/entertainment.cfm?id=1238502006
BANNED BY THE BBCThe Franz Kafka Big Band has been banned ! Our second series (affectionately refered to as The Brown Period ) has been pulled from the broadcasting schedules due to anxiety about taste & decency.
The second series is due to be broadcast from Monday the 28th of August to Friday the 1st of September - but, trembling executives at BBC Radio Scotland have decided to pull the second series just one week before being broadcast.
Instead the BBC will repeat the first series (uncut versions) at 10.00 p.m, and the second series will be edited in due course for broadcast at a later date.
All this, is, of course fabulous news as being banned by the BBC is a good sign. We can only hope that our second series being pulled will only stimulate interest in our second series, from both the press and the general public.
And most importantly - they haven't asked for their money back ..yet. According to our executive producer, this little embarassing incident in no way affects our working relationship with the BBC. They did ask for something edgy & uncompromising, and we delivered that. It's just that the BBC after listening to the shows have thought it unwise to so brutally challenge their demographic with images of robots, bums and ...well, you get the picture. And indeed, on Radio, the pictures are better.
I could be ever so slightly demoralised - after putting all that work in, and the public not hearing the finished shows - but, I'm not. If the BBC hated us, then I'd worry. If they wanted their money back, I'd worry. But, apparently, that's not the case.
So, how PUNK am I ?
Banned by the BBC !
Rock 'n' Roll !
Fond regards,
Innes
ROBOT BUM WIPEIf you've ever wondered what a robot sounds like when it's wiping its bum, then tune in to BBC Radio Scotland on Monday the 28th of August at 10.00 p.m. Our second series starts then, and is on air (and the internet ~ on the Radio Scotland website) every night for the last week in August, until Friday the 1st of September.
I apologise for leaving the shop unattended during the high season, but hey-ho; duty calls. However, I am back, and should update, respond and communicate on a fairly regular basis from now on...
Regards to all,
Innes MONKEY!
Apologies for being too busy to tend my cyber-allotment with the necessary zeal and judicious husbandry. Please accept this image of a monkey, lovingly crafted to amuse a lady. There are two versions of this image, one in the Cabinet Gallery and one in the L&T Gallery. Which reminds me ~ do have a tour of the galleries. They are surrupticiously updated and you may have missed the occasional newcomer. Besides, now it is possible to leave your comments right next to the image which either tickles your fancy or gives your fancy a nasty rash. Please leave your comments sprayed over this site.
PLEASE FEED THE MONKEY HilariousDear All,
Thankyou for your Birthday wishes - they were much appreciated. I had a splendid thirty-fifth Birthday and now feel like a responsible adult. How hilarious it is that I'm hoping to get paid real money for writing sketches about pilots that crash planes into tits. Or mountains that he thinks are tits. Hilarious eh ?
We have two weeks to complete our scripts before they are handed into the BBC to be disapproved.. Yes, that's right: we enjoyed being told "Jesus Christ! There's no fucking way we'll broadcast that" so much last time, that we're going for a 100% rejection rate. Being the curious sort I wonder what happens when programme makers deliver a show 26 minutes and 15 seconds long, which requires a bleep 26 minutes and 10 seconds long ?
I mean...do we get in the record books and become famous ? Or does Terry Wogan just take us round the back of Broadcasting House and kick fuck out of us ..? I don't know, but it'll be fun finding out.. Especially if I'm being wrestled to the ground by some blonde with big tits that does the weather or the news..or something.
For those of you interested in the BBC Broadcasting House (Scotland) 'paranormal' investigation - I have finished gathering my witness accounts, and am just waiting the green light to get in there and conduct my nocturnal experiment. Hopefully, I'll be able to get things moving soon!
I've also visited a 'haunted' hotel in Lanarkshire recently, with the aim of conducting an investigation there too!
Do I have other news? Henry's off cycling round the Outer Hebrides ! She spent last night in Stornoway slapping randy crofters for 5 hours and getting terribly, horribly, marvellously drunk! Go Henry!
So, apologies for being an absentee cyber-landlord: but I really must spend my spare time churning out hilarity for the good, innocent and deserving folk of Caledonia! DO continue to pop in to the buffet carriage and finger my limp sandwiches... and I shall try and stick my nose through the hatch now and then and apologise in an insincere monotone for doing fuck all..
Bless you all my Fellow Travellers in the Virgin Train Journey that is life !
* i.e - Smells of shit, half of us can't see where we're going and nobody can open the windows. *
Regards,
Innes
Investigating a Haunted Place - again.Dear All,
I have started investigating an allegedly haunted builidng; but no ordinary building - the HQ of BBC Scotland.
Now, normally people, companies or institutions are reluctant to speak to anybody about their experiences, and do not want any publicity. But, when dealing with the media, this is not the case.
At first ~ every step of the investigation was being covered by the Head of Radio Scotland's weblog. This went as far as a witness having their story exposed first on the web, before they talked to me. Now, fortunately, I have assurances from the BBC that they will keep button-lipped about about any paranormality - and instead of speaking to each other or the press - they will speak to me.
Due to the Head of Radio Scotland's blog, there has already been some interest in the Scottish Press; a rather cynical and cheeky article by Allan Brown * in The Sunday Times, and a kinder article, which was nonetheless sensationalist, in The Daily Mail.
As to the details, or any information about the witness statements, you will all have to wait. Sorry.
Jeff Zycinski's Weblog can be found here.
Regards,
Innes
* Allan Brown writes well, but in the flesh...?
Well, I was once at a party and he was holding court in the kitchen, waxing lyrical on his latest bugbear. This was, funnily enough, parapsychology. The BBC Drama series 'Sea of Souls' had just started airing on the television, and this was an affront to Mr.Brown's delicate rationalist sensibilities. He made sure that anyone near him, or within earshot was aware of his opinion on the subject. I think he was even writing a book about parapsychology. No doubt it would be fair and unbiased.
Anyway, after ranting about how ridiculous parapsychology was - he paused for breath, and this enabled my friend Kirsty - who had been listening patiently - to inform him that she was a parapsychologist, at the world leading Koestler Unit at Edinburgh University. Did he take this opportunity to canvass an informed opinion ?
Did he continue to argue his case with someone expert in the field ?
No. He legged it. The shitebag. VI'm off to the cinema this evening to watch ' V for Vendetta '.
Now, the Wachowski brothers made a rather entertaining flick, The Matrix - which was followed up by two gorgeous looking, but utterly rubbish films which completed their trilogy.
However, it is not the Matrix pedigree that makes me want to see V for Vendetta, it is the writer Alan Moore.
Alan Moore wrote V for Vendetta over 20 years ago - I read it 15 years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it. Indeed, Alan Moore has written many fine graphic novels ; The Watchmen, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen & From Hell to name a few. Seem familiar ? Yes, From Hell and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen were both made into Hollywood films. From Hell starring the unnaturally pretty Johnny Depp, disturbed Alan Moore so much that he asked that his name be removed from the credits, and he refused to accept any money from the studio.
When I say disturbed, I mean disgusted that the film deviated so greatly from the original novel, and completely failed to reflect the author's intentions. The same happened with League - and Mr.Moore declared that he would never take money from the studios again ! It was then that Mr.Moore learned that V for Vendetta was going to be made into another Hollywood blockbuster ! But a man of principle, he has not earned a penny from the latest flick...he donates his fee to the artists that illustrated the original comics.
They're going to make The Watchmen too ..
So, please spare a thought for the frustrated artist being violated in hi-res dolby surround sound at a cinema near you. The film industry would be nothing without writers, but they are the bottom of the pile.
Joke: did you hear about the Polish Actress who slept with the writer !?
The joke being - writers are powerless. Producers are all-powerful.
I'm sure on some level I'll not resent spending the £4.50 ticket to see V for Vendetta, but I will shed a tear for Alan Moore; one of England's finest creative minds living today, and thoroughly misrepresented by the film industry. They don't adapt his graphic novels, they eat them up and shit them out.
Get down to your nearest comic shop and buy some Alan Moore.
Further recommendations on request.
Anybody else got any other artist misrepresented in the public eye ?
Shall we compile a list of shockingly bad film adaptations ?
Hoax !There is a long history of hoaxing, fraud and credulity in the history of Psychical Research.
Some might argue that the entire realm of paranormal phenomena is one of delusion ; either willingly deluding the credulous, or the willing deluding themselves.
It is no accident that many investigators into the paranormal are themselves in the business of illusion : the arch-sceptic James Randi is a stage magician, and Professor Richard Wiseman ( a Psychologist and Parapsychologist ) became interested in the paranormal through his interest in illusionism. One of the Parapsychologists at the Koestler Unit at Edinburgh University, Peter Lamont, is a member of the magic circle.
However, mathematicians see the world in terms of maths; maybe illusionists see human experience as illusionary...?
I would argue that something is going on, and proper study will help us understand a little more about this strange world we live in. Hoaxing does present a problem to those trying to uncover the truth - but hoaxing is a fact in psychical research, and must always be kept in mind.
I present three examples, with links so you can read more if you're interested.
I am reproducing in part a response I gave earlier to the other Mister Smith.
Anthony Shiels - Loch Ness Monster Photograph
My favourite hoaxer is Anthony Shiels ( better known as Doc Shiels ). He took a famous photograph of Nessie which is still reproduced in books as being genuine ~ despite being exposed by the late Mark Chorvinsky as a hoax !
He made a giant fibre-glass head of a monster, put it on the back of a truck, drove it the length of the UK to Loch Ness, floated it just underneath the surface of the water, and then ..took an out of focus photograph ! He knew that if it looked too good - then the too good to be true maxim would apply ! Sometimes, less is more - this is especially true for hoaxing.
Helen Duncan - Trance Medium
Scottish medium Helen Duncan, made infamous for being the last woman to be tried under the Witchcraft Act in 1944, was a complicated character. The famed Ghost Hunter Harry Price exposed her as a fraud; her supporters claimed she reluctantly faked phenomena when her own psychic faculties were exhausted ( this is the same excuse used by Uri Geller ). There are still survivors of Helen Duncan's Circles, ( I have met one of them ) ; they tell of extraordinary phenomena, witnessed by many, in unambiguous circumstances.
Her supporters, then and now, are convinced of her abilities.
However, take a look at the photgraph below of an apparition, built up of ectoplasm produced by Helen Duncan : do you think this photograph looks ..convincing ?
What are we to make of this ? What was going on ?
An article written by her supporters can be found here: http://www.helenduncan.org.uk/
An article about Harry Price's investigation, with more photos, can be found here:
http://www.harryprice.co.uk/Seance/Duncan/duncan-intro.htm The Fox Sisters - The Founders of Modern Spiritualism
Oh dear, Spiritualism again. However, it is interesting to note that Spiritualism's foundation is rather...bi-polar.
To summarise, three girls in a small hamlet called Hydesville in New York State, 'communicated' with an 'entity' called Mr.Splitfoot ( who made loud raps ) to the amazement of dozens of witnesses. Later on, the sisters confessed that they had faked the raps by cracking bones in their feet - a curious genetic quirk shared by the three sisters. They later retracted their confession.
What are we to make of this ?
A positively pro article about the Hydesville phenomena ( which neglects to tell about the later confession ):
And a rather sober assessment about the events and persons involved ( which neglects to report any paranormal weirdness ): http://www.randi.org/encyclopedia/Fox%20sisters.html
I wonder if reality has to be challenged first, before it yields to quivvering plasticity...?
So, feel free to discuss and debate ! Hoaxing : a menace, or a delight, or a necessary challenge to our nonsense detecting immune system !?
Regards to all,
Innes Look ! Look ! Look !Dear All,
I have returned from my small but perfectly formed holiday.
Krakow was beautiful and I can heartily recommend it.
Henry and I arrived on a crisp, snow-blanketed but sunny morning, and our next four days were spent exploring the city and its environs. Wawel Castle, which dominates the old city centre from its hill next to the river was spectacular. Indeed, the art and architecture of Krakow is most impressive.
I took a particular fancy to a small church situated pretty much in the centre of the City: St.Adalbert's.
Another impressive sight was the subterranean church carved out of rock salt, deep within the Wieliczka Salt Mines ~ Tolkien's imagined Dwarven City of Moria would probably look like this.
We walked around the old Jewish Quarter of Krakow - Kazimierz - which was very moving : the Nazis evicted 65,000 of its inhabitants and sent them to nearby Auschwitz-Birkenau. 65,000 is the same population as my home town of Paisley.
We did not visit the death camps of Auschwitz-Birkenau ; I had a horrendous hangover to cope with, and I suspected the worse place on Earth to feel nauseous and feeble would be there.
Which reminds me how good the vodka was. And the food. And the people were very friendly.
If you are looking for a wee holiday, I recommend Krakow !
New Galleries !
I have split up the old one gallery into two new ones - essentially to remove the more adult art from the immediate gaze of the casual, and potentially young browser.
This may be self-censorship, but it is necessary if I want to avoid accusations of thrusting adult art into a family arena.
If anyone thinks anything in the Cabinet Gallery should be in the Eros & Thanatos Gallery, then let me know.
And if anyone thinks that anything in the Eros & Thanatos Gallery shouldn't be there at all, then let's start the debate !
I hope you 'like' what you see, and I'm always keen to engage in criticism, constructive or otherwise.
Regards to All !
Innes
P.S - The photos are of Wieliczka Salt Mine Chapel; St. Adalbert's & Me; & Henry at Wawel Castle ! Listen ! Listen ! Listen !Dear All,
Next week I am off to Poland with Henry for a few days. We will be drinking lots of vodka to stop our blood from freezing whilst we look at castles, sausages and genuinely chilling historical sites.
I will be unable to respond to comments until March the 12th, so I leave you with something to listen to.
Of course, you can still leave comments, register disgust, lavish with praise, or just argue with each other as you do so magnificently.
Meet Stuart & Dave, two musical colleagues and collaborators who I rate most highly, as artists and friends.
I met Stuart in 1994 and within weeks we were making radio programmes together; Special Treatment (an Easy Listening Quirky Magazine Style Show) and The Beat Route Bistro (a beat poetry & jazz show).
We started off on hospital radio, then ended up on Subcity Radio - Glasgow University's RSL Licence FM Radio Station. Special Treatment had something of a cult following, but it's natural home the BBC weren't interested. *
The Beat Route Bistro went onto live shows, which were very well recieved, but again - met with no commercial, or media success. Apparently Belle & Sebastian were fans: unfortunately we couldn't return the compliment.
Stuart and I did several gigs as Jeff Santana & Dave Peron. Jeff supplied the music courtesy of his PC, and Dave Peron (that's me) ranted into a microphone.
Stuart is better known to the wider world as DJ Frenchbloke, who is both loved and feared by the Bootlegging / Mash-up DJ Community.
I especially recommend Tether D.E.A, and there's even a rare recording of Santana & Peron live at Optimo, performing the vulgar Lovable Dog.
I met Dave in 1998 and after trying to get a large band together - we gave up, formed CNUT and concentrated on making electronic music. We have had international releases, and have gigged successfully in 5 countries.
However, we remain a frustratingly cult band. Many people have heard of us, and have heard we are good, but we have yet to translate this into enormous give up the day job success.
Perhaps it's because there's humour in our work ? Maybe we aren't taken seriously ? Maybe it's because our music is ..hard to market ?
Certainly, it has nothing to do with a lack of musicality. Dave is easily one of most talented musicians & composers I have ever met. He is currently working with the marvellous DJ / Noise Merchant DJ Sunov on
a band called Regolith.
Please listen to the music and tell me what you think. You really don't have to be polite. I think Stuart & Dave will prefer you to be passionately irritated or disturbed, rather than feel ambivalent.
The photograph was taken six ( eek! ) years ago at a Beat Route Bistro gig; Stuart a.k.a Jeff Santana is on the left, and Dave (who was the musical director of the Bistro Live Show) a.k.a Salty Shanks is on the right !
Have a nice week,
Innes
* Although Special Treatment was not snapped up by the BBC back in ..er 1997 ? it was this show that brought me to the attention of Colin Edward's sister, and thus the reason I am part of the Franz Kafka Big Band ~ who are currently enjoying the attentions of the BBC !
Dionysus & The Divine PromenadeDear All,
I have been accused of being a debauched evangelist for Dionysus.
Apparently I urged a vulnerable young 23 year old woman to have a drink and she has suffered a spiritual set back in her journey towards Godliness.
I sincerely apologise to her, her family, her church & her entire community for the damage that I have done. And as far as I'm concerned - her fellow students at college are entirely blameless ! Some may say that her close friends and colleagues that she sees every day might be responsible for holding a party with alcohol and inviting her to attend, but - clearly this is ridiculous ! As a Priest of Dionysus with Potent Mesmeric Influence via MSN Space Comment Boxes - It was all my fault !
And this girl was exposed to intoxication and permissive behaviour at the tender young age of twenty-three !
So, I'm sorry. I'll never tell anyone to have drink again. *
But what else has Dionysus given us ?
The Dionysian Festival was an opportunity to break the rules, and explore areas of human personality, behaviour and ethics not normally considered appropriate or lawful.
Goats were sacred to Dionysus ( he spent his childhood disguised as a goat - and when he was turned back into the form of a man, his little goat kid horns remained ! ), and Goat Songs were perfomed to explore the unravelling of order: the literal translation of Tragedy is Goat Song.
And at the end of a week of Tragedies, people would let off steam and break all the rules by singing rude songs: Comedy means 'Rude Songs'.
So, Freedom to Offend was a Religious Rite as well as the birth of Theatre & The Arts.
But, let's not start that one again.
Instead, let's set up Gormweller's Infinite Cathedral :and Pick Your God !
I'll set up stall for Odin, Dionysus & Hermes.
Anyone else got a God to punt ?
Regards to All,
Innes
* Subject to Terms & Conditions.
P.S - Images of the Cabinet Pantheon can be found in their own photo album. Go see ! Freedom to Offend BeliefI have a question: Do non-Muslims have to live Muslim lives ?
Hmmm....
I am glad I live in a secular society which assumes a freedom of expression. However, this freedom is not well understood - at present - by some people who believe they have a right not to be offended.
In a free, secular society we have a right to be protected against physical violence, but not against the views or beliefs of others. Everyone must understand that respect is a two way street.
I allow people to believe in monotheistic religions centuries old, and they should allow me to not believe in what they believe.
I do not believe that any law should be passed to protect religious belief. Why should we protect religious belief ? We should protect people against prejudice or attack due to their sex, sexuality, race or age - we cannot help but be who we are in these respects. But we can, and do change belief.
Beliefs always have been, and should be challenged - or else how would any belief change, or new religion or philosophy come into being ?
What seems to be happening is a good old fashioned clash of cultures. Of course I'm talking about what's happening in the News at the moment.
I would not deliberately go out of my way to offend a devout Muslim, however - today I have done many unclean acts which would probably earn me an extra Close Shave in certain neighbourhoods in Iraq. I patted a dog. I ate bacon. I'm drinking wine right now. I've touched my penis.
And I'd do it all again.
Would I draw an image of The Prophet ? Why not ? I am not a Muslim.
Do non-Muslims have to live Muslim lives ?
Why should the non-religious have to obey religious beliefs ?
Should certain beliefs, religions or groups be immune from offence ?
I welcome your feedback.
I'm interested because I am very interested in both sacred art, and profane art.
And now related to none of the above - I've been listening endlessly to this. Do yourself a favour and give it a listen.
Agnostic Humanist Fortean With Daoist Sympathies love,
Innes Comedy Series gets Official 'nod'Dear All,
The Franz Kafka Big Band - the Comedy Sketch Group that I am part of - will be returning to the airwaves this August for one whole week of smut, filth and violence towards cows.
We will probably be on at 10 o'clock in the evening; beyond the pale as well as the watershed.
Forthcoming treats will include previously unbroadcast Last Supper, Our Australian Soap Opera - Bushwhackers, and more Jeff & Penrose.
Other news: Colin & I met some nice TV people last week. We are feverishly working on some magnificent other ideas to pitch to TV Land : despite the initial enthusiasm of the gentlemen to our homage to The Last of The Summer Wine ~ Blast of The Bummer Shine, it's unlikey that the general TV audience will be ready for such a Festival of Rural Man Love contained within in a bath tub sliding down a hill.
There is a DIY Stalemate: everything is in chaos, but we daren't move until the plasterers arrive.
I have rejoined the Council of The Scottish SPR - if I ever hear of impending dimensional breach, or an outbreak of Tulpas, I'll keep you informed.
I am currently trying to do anything creative, and seem to have broken through my crusty ennui with a nice variety of Wallpaper Designs. Any takers ?
I hope you are all well,
Innes A Very Happy New Year To You All !Dear All,
Before anything else : I am so sorry for abandoning you all for the past two months. I am truely humbled by your concern and beg for your forgiveness. No number of excuses can save me from the lash of your tongues; the beatings of your fingers; the spankings of your space bar; and the stilletto heel of your return key ground into the worthless latex clad groin of my soul (or the sole of my groin). I deserve punishment. Especially as I've been having such a nice time recently.
If decadence & sloth were an Olympic Sport, then the past two months have been spent in intense training.
Of course it hasn't been easy.. There have been injuries.. It's not just my wallet which is sore...
My good chum Henry ( first name Sarah - Surname Henry - only answers to Henry - long story ) and I have been drinking lots of tea, playing boardgames such as Risk and guzzling (homemade) marmalade with reckless, nae shameless abandon. Infact, I felt a bit like Dirk Bogarde in the last bit of The Night Porter , shacked up with Charlotte Rampling and some tasty preserves.
Oh God...and the homemade soup.. The Home Baked Bread ! And the altar of the middle-classes - THE AGA.
Apart from eating, drinking & satisfying other base functions * (which did on one occasion include simultaneous vomiting and diarrhea, which is no mean feat by the way ~ you wonder where to point which end) I have been :
My plans for 2006 include :
So, that's me. I promise to get in touch & update more frequently. I hope you all had a good Yuletide and I wish you all the best for 2006 !
Regards, Innes
* ~ Yes, that.
P.S - I no longer have my whiskers. I recklessly shaved them off and am in two minds about growing another moustache. Any suggestions ? Any comments ?
P.P.S - 'Whiskey' is the Irish spelling of Whisky. In Scotland we spell Whisky without the 'e'. Sorry, I just couldn't let that one lie...
Let The Wild Rumpus Begin !Dear All,
Apologies for my poor attendance. I have been almost busy of late; finishing off the radio series (all done now and the last shows go out this Saturday and Monday ~ you can listen to them on the archive: http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/radioscotland/view/show.shtml?features ); looking for a day job ( yawn ); attending Hallowe'en Parties like a social butterfly; and doing some gigs.
Oh, and attending to the needs (yes, those needs) of a young lady.
I was Master of Ceremonies for Glasgow's UberClub Optimo Espacio on Sunday night, and it was tremendous fun.
It was a very busy night, and all the (hey) kids made such an effort. There was a fancy dress competition and it will warm your hearts to know that a couple won the trophy this year - the gentleman dressed up as a Penis, and his goodly misses dressed up as a huge pair of (upper) lips - together they were, "Cock & Balls and a Cock-sucking Whore". Isn't that romantic ?
I also did a gig on Monday night at The End of The Month Club, at the 13th Note, Glasgow. That too was great fun, and I managed to disgrace myself on stage (as usual) to the delight of all & sundry - by shagging a pumpkin.
[In the mouth - not in the eye - I'm not that disgusting.]
We also showed a 15 minute spoof of Living TV's Most Haunted, filmed on the Saturday afternoon with myself & Glasgow Hepcats Bozilla playing the archetypical roles of camp medium, screaming make-up girl, etc. It went down very well, and for something that was thrown together in an improvisational stylee - was really quite amusing.
If someone can tell me how to install a Windows Media Player on this site, then I'll try and slap it up for your amusement. As well as CNUT videos and shit.
Oh, and notwithstanding natural disaster, psychosis, death, disability or a change of mind - it looks as if
The Franz Kafka Big Band will be getting another series. So, thanks to those of you who have listened and commented upon the show. There will, probably, be more.
Oh, and because you're all curious - or just plain nosey - my good lady is a Posh English Rose, a Botanist, with a shameful addiction to MAGNUM P.I. We first met a few weeks ago ( a friend of a friend ) during one of my rare sportings of facial hair. I now have quite an impressive set of whiskers, and would probably by now get bored of my imperial and become clean shaven once more. But - I don't think she'll let me shave... ever again!
Be well my cyber-chums.
Oh - and by the way - most of my photo galleries have been updated in some way - feel free to have a browsette.
Regards,
Innes THE FRANZ KAFKA BIG BANDDear All,
You may have noticed that I am a 'radio actor'. Well, the series I have been working on will be aired on Radio Scotland from the 8th of October for five weeks. For those of you not in Scotland, you can listen to the programmes on the BBC Scotland Website.
I do hope you like it. It is very silly. We suffered from a lot of censorship (much of it reasonable, & much of it not); so, we will be repeated 'uncut' on the following Monday (however much remains 'too rude to broadcast' which is why we're doing only five shows and not six).
Any comments & criticisms will be much appreciated.
Regards to all,
Innes Occult TourismDear All,
I've been charging up my chakras and giving my aura a polish by dancing naked around Stone Circles recently.
I would like to add that I do not believe in chakras or auras (although many do, and they aren't all mad purple wearing spinsters), but I have found getting my bum out in the open air to be most efficacious when needing a quick refreshment.
I do - however - have an interest in ancient monuments, cromlechs, and the built heritage of our pre-literate ancestors. It seems they believed Stone Circles were good for something, otherwise they wouldn't have gone to such incredible effort to build so many of them.
Many people point out that Stone Circles are observatories, which mark astrological phenomena; and this is demonstrably true. However, if the stones were purely markers, and nothing else, then this would not explain why many stones were not quarried locally, but were transported across (sometimes hundreds of) miles.
Clearly the stones themselves were thought to be important. It was the combination of significant place, and significant stones which made these sites so important to our ancestors.
I would hazard a guess: many of these 'special stones' (not quarried locally) are quartz rich, and are therefore piezo-electric ( they produce an electric charge under pressure, which is why quartz is used in watches, to provide a uniform 'vibration' or 'frequency' ). Also, many stone circles are built upon, or near, underlying geological faults, which also produce an electrical charge. Perhaps, our ancestors could intuitively guess where such areas were ?
In shamanic, and magical cultures which still survive to this day, quartz is seen as very important - e.g South American Shamans believe Quartz is a tool for contacting the dead.
Combined with our knowledge that Stonehenge was built to mark the Winter Equinox, and not the Summer Equinox, can we guess that Stone Circles are Magical Technologies for contacting the dead and/or the otherworld during the most efficacious time of the year ?
Who knows ? It's all guesswork. But I would encourage anyone to find their nearest Stone Circle - and get their bum out. Go on, get it out. Out. Right out. And shake it.
It feels good.
I enclose pictures of the Torhouse Stones, in Dumfriesshire, Scotland; Stanton Drew Stones in Somerset, England ( I was there on Sunday, and those stones are so quartz rich that crystals stick out of the rock like lumps of chocolate in a chocolate chip cookie ), and the Stone of Scone (or Coronation Stone), which is the ancient Coronation Stone of the Scots, and Picts before them, which incidentally, is Quartz rich Scottish Sandstone (and not the fucking pillow of Jacob from the Holy Land).
Regards to all,
Innes
P.S - Get it out ! THE WORLD'S BEST HAIR-DODear All,
In Amsterdam there is a fine music venue called The Paradiso.
A gentleman works there called Ben; I think he's the Manager. He welcomes bands to the venue, and ensures that they behave themselves. He is a very pleasant chap.
But, that's not the most remarkable thing about Ben.
Ben, is a Goth on the cusp of middle-age, with the finest hairdo known to mankind.
I attach an illustration of Ben's Amazing Hairdo.
If anyone else can share any magnificent hairdos with us, then please do.
regards,
Innes
P.S - I have learned my lesson. Short entries, and avoid politics. Freedom Fighter / TerroristDear All,
I watched some 'documentary' on Channel 5 last night about the London Bombings ' 7:7 '.
I really enjoyed it because the young Asian Actors playing the bombers all played it like the Emperor Ming - with sinister goatees, arched eyebrows and wild, intense staring into the middle distance...
It was unintentionally hilarious.
However, it masks an underlying denial in the West: that Suicide Bombers are crazy fanatics.
A Sociologist from England ( I think from the University of Liverpool ) went to Palestine to interview the friends & families of Suicide Bombers, and those who said that they would sacrifice themselves in a bomb attack against Israel. Instead of meeting wild fanatics, or hearing about wild fanatics; most people he met were normal, average and reasonable.
No more psychologically different than you or me.
Now, compare this finding to any documentary footage of the Military presence in Irag.
If you have ever seen American Marines, or US Forces being interviewed in Iraq - most of them come across as being distinctly psychologically unbalanced.
At this point I think it would be sensible for me to make my own opinion about suicide bombing known:
I think the deliberate targeting of civilians is repulsive. Bombing people doesn't solve anything.
However, it works both ways.
The accidental killing of civilians is no comfort to the relatives of murdered Iraqis: " Woops ! " doesn't really get the 'Coalition' much sympathy.
Being fond of Historical Parallels, I would like to point out that the deliberate targeting of civilians was Allied Bomber Command Policy during the latter stages of World War Two: the fire bombings of major German Cities, and later on, Tokyo, were nothing short of mass murder. And purely motivated by revenge.
Revenge is a nasty business, and easily escalates. This is why (the possibly fictional ) Jehova, was alleged to have said: An Eye For An Eye, A Tooth For A Tooth. It isn't so much an endorsement of taking revenge, rather a warning not to let revenge get out of control.
Although, in saying that, Judiasm & Islam have a tradition of revenge, whereas Christianity is meant not to.
No prizes for telling me that Christianity has rather fallen off the wagon as far as turning the other cheek is concerned...
To get back to 'Terrorism'.
I did find it amusing that the U.N couldn't agree on the definition of Terrorism - and thank fuck there's still the U.N to be a thorn in the side of Fuckwitted Imperialism.
Sir William Wallace is Scotland's Greatest Hero.
He was a freedom fighter.
No argument. But he was still tortured & executed by the English as a traitor. A traitor ?? How could he be executed as a traitor when he wasn't an English Subject, but a Scotsman fighting for his country's independence ? Ah.. but England didn't recognise Scotland's independence. They were rather assuming that they owned it..
So, they executed him as an treacherous English Subject: a Traitor.
In this day & age he would have been called a ...hmm.. I wonder what ??
And Mary Stewart ( known to most as Mary, Queen of Scots ) was executed by the English ( the Scots didn't complain too much - her son James VI when informed, didn't give a shit ); she is buried in Westminster Abbey - and on her tomb it is said that she was executed for Treason. Treason ?? She wasn't an English Subject. She was the Monarch of a Sovereign Nation ~ how could she be executed for Treason ? Some people just don't understand that they DON'T OWN other people. The English still have difficulty in this regard to their neighbours. But for the most part, they have learned their lesson and just pick on people from Birmingham.
I wouldn't be surprised if eventually the Birmingham Republican Army (or B.R.A for short) starts blowing up London... Just think, it would give a new meaning to "this new bra's killing me !"
Incidentally - who INVENTED terrorism ? When was the term 'terrorism' first used ??
The First 'Terrorist' was a Scot, called 'John the Painter' who set fire to the British Naval Base at Portsmouth during the American War of Independence. So, do you think the Americans would Call John a terrorist ? Or.. a freedom fighter ?
Why is it that most Politicians are ex-lawyers ? Trained fibbers ? I think Historians should be pressed into service !
Be well, and hey Kids - take care in that big nasty vengeance ridden world out there !
Regards,
Innes |
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